Ask Itachi!
by Narutoast
Summary: I'm sorry to announce that Ask Itachi! will be closed as of 5/30/2008. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.
1. There's a reason why he's here

Hi. I am Narutoast. And Uchiha Itachi and I would happily (Itachi: Liar. I'm being forced by black mail to be here, you --) Ok Itachi, that's enough out of you. Send your questions to Itachi through the review button. Remember, NO profanity and NOTHING sexual, please.

Me: Say hi Itachi.

Itachi: Hello you weak little fools! -Maniacal laughter-

Me: 0.0 Okayy then...

Q1) Hi, Itachi, I would like to know your deepest darkest secret... tell me...

Signed, Saucekay (Me:That's their pen name, and not your brother, Itachi)

A1) Itachi: Is this a Fan Girl?Well, even if it's not, I don't really fell like answering this.

Me: -inhales sharply- I think you couldn't get a girl even if you tried, Itachi. Maybe that's your secret! By the way, it's a guy.

Itachi: -looks around nervously- I have no secrets.

Me: Itachi, answer the question or else.

Itachi: Wha-What do you mean..? You've already taken my dignity, my hatred, and my teddy...

Me: Your... Teddy..? - face turns really, really red then starts laughing hysterically -

Itachi: -face turns red with embarrassment- Um.. can i have my robe back now? I hate regular clothes... they make me feel like i can't hate people.

Me: FINE, YOU CAN HAVE IT AND YOUR PRCIOUS TEDDY BEAR, TOO. I just have one question... - gets a very evil look on his face and laughs maniacally -

Itachi: What are you planning Narutoast?

Me: Oh nothing, nothing at all...NEXT!

Q2) What is your teddy's name, Itachi?

Signed, me, Narutoast

Itachi: I hate you very much.

Me: Just answer my question or I bring out...THE PICTURES!!!

Itachi: -quietly- Mr. Moopies...

Me: -smirks- Heh heh heh... works every time.

The End of this page. Send Questions for Itachi via review

I don't own any characters of Naruto. DON'T SUE ME!!!! Also, Itachi doesn't own a teddy bear...


	2. The Cookies

It's Uchiha Itachi and I are back! This time, we feel we should answer more... -smirks- in depth. (Itachi: -screams- NOOOOOOO!!) **Me: **Itachi should shut his mouth before Mr. Moopies goes up in flames... heh heh heh... Anyway, if you send more questions that's fine. But again, NO language and NO sexual things. New rule. **NO FLAMES!!!** I also may have... er... altered your questions a bit to help – looks over sympathetically at Itachi – him.

1) well...I've been wondering this for a while...what the heck are the lines on your face for?

Signed, Chibi Shino

Itachi: They are nothing...

Me: OH, COME ON! Tell us! Remember our little deal..?

Itachi: -mumbles something about Mr. Moopies and the "pictures" we mentioned last time-

Me: That's right! Now, give the nice person their answer.

Itachi: NO!

Me:...Fine, I will.

Itachi: Oh no. you wouldn't dare-

Me: They are WRINKLES!!!

Itachi: -mumbles "More like worry line of being... annoyed..."-

Me: -laughs evilly then says with an obviously fake sympathy tone- It's ok Itachi, you're only turning 19 next week...

Itachi: -eye twiches with anger and grits his teeth- NEXT QUESTION!

Q2)First, before anything, -gives Narutoast her famous chocolatey chipity cookies- Itachi's deepest fear is of chocolatey chipity cookies.. although it's kinda my fault... but anywayz,

A)Itachi, Are you aware of the fact that every time you use the sharigan your eyes get girlier and girlier?   
B)When will you get bored with torturing Sasuke?  
C) Is your atksutaki nickname really Itchy-kun?

-Lunar, The Great Authoress

Itachi: AHH! KEEP THOSE COOKIES AWAY!!!

Me: Heh heh heh... oh how the mighty have fallen... Thank you very much Lunar, these could come in handy... -shoves cookie in Itachi's face- now, if you don't answer the questions, the bear goes bye-bye, the pictures come out, and you get a mouthful of these cookies! -laughs maniacally-

Itachi: O.O ok! I'll cooperate!

Me: Very good... Well, I have taken the liberty of _numbering _the questions for you so we can take this -sarcastically- nice and easy... Ok, first question is question 2A.

Itachi: Fine. My eyes get... GIRLIER!?!?

Me: Yeah, dude, I think I'd have to agree with you there lunar.

Itachi: I... Uh... Wha... Ah...

Me: Itachi, try your best not to make your brain explode... maybe we should move on to 2B...

Itachi: Well, I will never tire of it until he defeats me.

Me: And, what if he does defeat you?

Itachi: Well, I haven't exactly worked that part out yet...

Me: Ok, then i guess on to 2C!

Itachi: Alright. What is it?

Me: -laughs really hard- Is your Atksutaki nickname really Itchy-kun?

Itachi: -mutters- Deidara is dead after this...

Me: What was that?

Itachi: Who told you that?!?! Was it Deidara? I'll bet it was. He's dead when I get released...

Me: Hold it. I didn't say you'd be released. Anyway, we have readers to keep and you have fan girls! -I wish _I _did...-

Itachi: Shut up, Narutoast! NEXT!

Q3) Itachi? What do you think of Deidara? Is he a pest?

Itachi: 0.0

Me: Thank you. You finally got his attention.

Itachi: -Thinks for a moment then says- Deidara... Oh! Him. He's a pest. And he looks like a girl.

Me: Wow. I actually have the same opinion as Itachi for once. He does look like a girl. In fact, I used to think he was a girl.

Itachi: IT'S A MIRACLE!!!

Me: 0.o What the...?

Itachi: -realizes he's acting crazy because of Narutoast- Uhh... nothing. Just nothing... NEXT!

Me: Oh, and by the way, I still need to show those pictures...-pulls out a picture of Itachi in Princess dress and tiara and wearing pink lipstick with a powdered face in blush, mascara and eyeshadow- By the way, i don't have time to wait to bring Ask Itachi! Ch.2 to the world so, if there are more questions, they come out in Ch.3. NOW PRESS THAT REVIW BUTTON!!! Thank you.


	3. Taco Bell

Me: Yay! We're back! And happily answering MORE Questions!

Itachi: Oh joy...

This is my favorite part of the day people. So don't screw this up with dumb questions like -makes a stupid face- 'Hi Itachi, what's your Akutsuki nickname?', **BECAUSE I ALREADY ANSWERED THAT!!!**

Q1) I have questions for Itachi-kun

1A.Do you like Bunnies?  
1B.Would you date Deidara if he was a girl?  
1C.What are your opinions on President Bush?  
1D.What would you do if you had all the money in the world?  
1E.What's your favorite color?

Itachi: -stares with a blank face- bunnies..? BUNNIES!?!? I HATE BUNNIES!!

Me: Calm down, Itachi. Now go sit in the corner until you are ready to answer the next one...

Itachi:... But I was--

Me: No "but's" young man. Now GO!

Itachi: yes sir...

--A while later--

Me: Are you calm now?

Itachi: Yes. Let's get on with the questions.

Me: ok then answer question 1B.

Itachi: Ok...let's see what that is... -reads the question- WHAT!?!?

Me: -falls over laughing-

Itachi: -makes a threatening face at me like he wanted to say "Makengyou Sharringan!" and hurt me...bad-

Me: Uh.. never mind... ANSWER THE QUESTION!!

Itachi: Ok. No I wouldn't because Deidara is the most annoying insect on the face of the Earth!

Me: Now 1C.

Itachi: Ok... WHO THE HECK IS PRESIDENT BUSH!?!? I'm from Japan you know, so i can't possibly know who he is! Why--

Me: Remember our little talk? If you keep going on like this, I'll have pull out another picture. The one of you and Deidara? Remember? I also still have the cookies that Lunar gave me last chapter.

Itachi: -eyes widen with fear- No, not those!

Me: I also took Mr. Moopies back from you...

Itachi: Fine. The answer to 1D is who cares! Same with 1E.

Me: Answer it...!

Itachi: Fine! If I had all of the money in the world, I'd buy swords and anything high tech and tourture devices. All for Akutsuki of course. Also, I'd buy an ice cream maker.

Me: An...Ice cream maker..?

Itachi: Yeah. Me and all of Akutsuki (yes, even leader, especially Tobi) love ice cream.

Me: Ok, now answer the last one and you're almost home free for the week. Unless I get more reviews, that is.

Itachi: Alright. My favorite color... That's blood red and black.

Me Ok, anonymous person I don't know, I hope that answers you questions.

Q2)Wow, you're soo mean lol it's hilarious, but you know Itachi is soo going to kill you after this? Hah hah, I'll help you no worries, sword junky here, so don't worry, I'll help you handle him, but...I've always wondered what those clouds on his robe were for...so what are the clouds on Itachi's robe for? Really...but I totally agree with Itachi, Deidara is the most annoying character...well, second most, in Naruto and he's just soo annoying, and I thought that he was Ino, the most annoying person in Naruto, and sorry if I offended you with this comment, honestly I did not flame lol just enjoyed the story, can't wait to see the torture next chapter.

Signed Spongy4u14

Itachi: -Looks over at me suggesting he has an idea- Heh heh heh... I didn't think of killing him...

Me: 0.0 Oh boy. Just shut up and answer the question. And don't do anything rash...

Itachi: I like you dude. And I'll answer your question with no hesitation seeing as how you have given me the best idea since torturing Sasuke. The answer is that the clouds on my robe symbolize that I am with Akutsuki. And now if you'll excuse me... -pulls out a dagger and walks over to Narutoast- good night Narutoast!

Me: Oh no you don't! -gives Itachi a charlie horse, then runs out of the room and locks him in- You're not going anywhere, my friend.

Itachi: -thinks- I've got to use my head... think, Itachi, think.

Me: -while Itachi is thinking (hey, there's a first for everything...) I make faces at him through the glass window of the room where Itachi is locked- Nana nana Boo boo!

Itachi: -Uses his head to hit the window. It doesn't break.- HA! OW!

Me: Wow. You hit you're head on the indestructible glass I swapped for the real thing because i half suspected this would happen. Good for you. Now calm down before I have to punish you.

Itachi: -Stares at me, obviously angry- FINE.

Me: -comes back in- ok. Let's get something to eat.

Itachi: Ok. How's Taco Bell sound?

Me: Sweet. Let's go.

Me and Itachi: YOU'RE PAYING!!!

The End

Come on guys! I need more reviews! Give me lots of them this weekend, because I'm going to be out of town. If i can, I will publish Ch.4 This Thursday and a short Ch.5 on Friday. So, PRESS THAT REVIEW BUTTON!!!


	4. Read All of the way to the end!

Me: Wow, I'm by on the chapters. What is this, the fourth chapter or something? Itachi?

Itachi: Who cares. It's become apparent that I'm not getting out of here any time soon.

Me: Soo... Does that mean that you AREN'T going to try to kill me?

Itachi: No, I've got better things to do.

Me: Tank goodness.

Q1)ooh, ooh! I've got a question! A) Do you paint your nails because you are gay or because you got bored? B) Can you see past your nose? C) What's your favorite type of pie? D) What's the deal with the cookie? eats a chocolatey chippy cookie Seriously, they're not that bad...

Signed, gaaraisMINE123

Itachi: What did you call me!?!? -eye twiches, steam rises and vein pops-

Me: She called you nothing. She (or he) is just asking why you painted your nails.

Itachi: Well, I had to to join in the "fun" of being in Akutsuki. (and it's nothing disgusting!)

Me: Ok...carry on...

Itachi:Yes I can see past my nose! Why would you ask something so... foolish.

Me: -Kicks Itachi in the shins- Be nice!

Itachi: My favorite pie is cherry pie because it reminds me of blood.

Me: -looks scaird- ok, keep talking...

Itachi: Well the cookie thing is lunarxshinobi's fault. And I don't have to say it until someone asks in chapter 5 or up.

Me: Darn you, stupid logic. You have betrayed me for the last time...

Itachi: Heh heh heh... sucker. Next question! But wait, 'cuz I need a water break...

wrinkles...thats...HA HA HA!

oops...sorry...

Anyways...is it okay if I post another question?  
Well I post this so...I guess I did! 

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wops...sorry...anyways...

Itachi...  
Is it TRUE that you and Kisame are lovers and between missions you um... hug...?

-gets sharigan repealer- HA! YOUR SHARIGAN CAN'T HURT ME NOW!

-C.S

Me: I'm sorry, but I think I said nothing of that nature. But, I'll force Itachi to answer it anyway. He hasn't seen this yet and it will be fun to see his reaction. Here he comes now.

Itachi: -walks over- Hey. What are you doing? Looking at the reviews? ok. By the way, the water cooler's busted. I killed it on "accident". So, can I see?

Me: -smirks- Ok, here you go. -hands question to Itachi-

Itachi: -reads question, then get's really, really mad and stomps over to me- What's this..?

Me: Thanks C.S. I'm going pay the price of your sick humor. -shoves cookie in his face-

Itachi: Now, now, don't do anything you'll regret...

Me: I think you owe us all an answer.

-all of the contributers of reviews and questions gather, mob Itachi, tie him up high on a telephone post, and force an answer out-

Itachi: IT'S A LIE! ALL OF IT! ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT ANYMORE SHALL SUFFER MY SHARRINGAN!

All: -laughing as they walk away leaving Itachi tied to the post-

Itachi: Uh...guys? Hello? Is someone gonna help me down soon?

Me: I will. As soon as i get more reviews and questions. As soon as I need you.

THE END

Please help get poor Itachi down from the pole. Send me your questions through the review button. I had to edit C.S.'s question because of suggestion of sexual things, so NO PROFANITY AND NO SEXUAL THINGS. By the way, I've taken every character of Naruto and tied them up with Itachi as well. Please send questions to get a step closer to getting them down.

Tobi: Why is Tobi up here? Tobi is a good boy!

Kisame: Help me!

Naruto: I'm gonna get down from here! Believe it!

Sasuke: Shut up, loser. That Narutoast guy wants reviews, and people need to send reviews with questions in them to help us get down.

Gaara: -dangles helplessly by the feet-...

Kiba: HELP!!!

Orochimaru: -I'm poking him with a really long stick-

Hinata: I..I N..NEED T...TO GE...GET DOWN!!!

Shino: ...

Jiraya: HELP ME PLEASE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! -dangles helplessly next to Tsunade-

Tsunade: OW! STOP YELLING IN MY EAR!!

Kabuto: Why don't you both just SHUT UP!

Sakura: -whimpering in fear-

Shikamaru: How troublesome.

Ino: HELP ME DOWN SO I CAN BE WITH MY DARLING SASUKE!

Me: That's not even all of them! So send me questions to save your favorite character today! Or tomorrow. You know what? The day after is fine, too.


	5. Tell Me Your Favorite Character!

Hello again. Itachi and everyone else are still hanging on that pole, so get those reviews in.

Me: Ok, all (well most, anyway) of the characters will soon be released, but you gotta tell me who your favorite character is. I am planning to release them form most liked to least liked to torture Itachi a bit. Tobi is released last.

Tobi: Why!?!? TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!

Itachi: Oh my aching... please make him shut up!

Me: Nah... no thanks.

Kakashi: Well, can I at least have my copy of "Make Out Paradise" back? Please?

Jiraya: I'll give you one free of charge for being a devoted fan.

Kakashi: Well, thank you.

Jiraya: You're welcome. -holds out a copy of "Make Out Paradise"-

Me: -is really annoyed so takes out a shotgun and shoots the book- Can we please stay on task? Now, since i've captured you all, people asked you questions, too.

All: Oh joy...

Q1)ok, ok. I'm back, with more questions!  
Naruto, why do you say 'believe it' so much?  
Sasuke, Do you have something stuck up your butt or something? It wouldn't be a crime to smile once in a while!  
Narutoast, Can I steal Gaara, Itachi, Shikamaru or Neji? Pwease?  
Kisame, Why do you look like a fishy?  
Orochimaru, Are you related to Michael Jackson in ANY way?  
Itachi, What do you know about the weird things that Sasuke did in his childhood?  
Jiriya, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DARN PERV?!  
Oh, and to warn you, Oro, Gaara, Shika, Itachi, Hinata, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi, I know of about seventeen people that stalk you and follow you everywhere you go at any given time. Sorry for such a long list! Oh, Itachi? CHOCOLATEY CHIP COOKIE! (I'll never get tired of that!)

Signed, gaaraisMINE123

Itachi: Oh... why do the annoying ones always come back?

Me: OK, people, answer now.

Naruto: Because I believe that if I say "Believe it!" enough times, people will believe in things.

Sasuke: -gritts teeth- hmph...

Me: No.

Kisame: I just look like a fish. That's all there is to it.

Orochimaru: Who's he?

Itachi: Weird things..? -turns and looks at Sasuke-

Jiraya: Well, there's a funny story behind that. Well, it all started when Sarutobi-Sensei taught us the transparency jutsu...

Me: Ok, I think people can figure the rest out...

Orochimaru, Gaara, Shika, Itachi, Hinata, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi: Uh-oh!

All: NEXT!

Hey, Narutoast. I was wondering, Itachi... why do you look like a girl?

Signed, Sasori-Kasoru-Chan

Itachi: -eyes widen in disbelief- I...Uh...Wha...Um...Ah...NO!!!

Me: -laughing histerically (on the ground!)-

Itachi: Well, mother always said that I got the looks.

Me: So, Sasuke got the...-smirks- brains?

Itachi: Yes. Wait, no!

Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Itachi: -grits teeth- NEXT.

NEJI! NO! -Sniff- Itachi is better though. Hehehe. Hmm... Lets see... I know! Did you know if you didn't have er... Wrinkles -sniker- That you look like a girl? I know, I've seen a picture were they were erased -laughs head off- by the way, If it makes you feel any better, my friend thinks that the 'wrinkles' are lines of 'maturity' -gag- I think you just look old. But still you rock! XD Plus I'm hooked on the couple Kisame and Itachi now -smirk-

Signed, Cheea5

Neji: Thank you. By the way, if I come down, then Tenten comes down!

Tenten: -blushes- Do you really mean that?

Neji: Oh...Uh...-suddenly relizes what he just said- YES! Or maybe...no? Maybe.

Me: Aww, they're in love, how sweet. OK, back on task!

Itachi: So I've heard. And by the way, STAY THE HECK OUT OF MY LIFE PEOPLE! AND STOP MAKING UP RUMORS AND LIES, TOO! Also, next.

Itachi-kun have you ever had a girlfriend?What do you think of Michael Jackson?  
Tobi-kun is a good boy! will you go out with me?  
Dei-kun why do you look like a prety girl?  
Jiraya why are you a pervert?  
Orochimaru are you related to Michael Jackson or Voldemort from Harry Potter?  
Tsunade is it true that as a little girl you wanted to get married to Orochimaru and have the theme of the wedding be bunnies and mangoes?  
Ino who would you like if Sasuke was never born?  
Sasori did you play with barbies as a litle boy before you discovered pupets?

Itachi: I have never had a girlfriend. And who the heck is This Michael Jackson person? Is he like the American Jiraya?

Me: Kind of.

Itachi: Then I hate him.

Tobi: YES TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!

All accept for Tobi: AND YOU WILL GO OUT WITH THEM!

Tobi: NO! _I _won't go out with them, _Tobi _will.

Diedara: I hate this question. Well, I kind of got into a car crash and I had a picture of what I would look like as a girl in my pocket, and I went into surgery, they took the picture, and the rest writes it's self.

Orochimaru: No.

Me: Oh boy. Here comes the wrath of the Legendary Sucker...

Tsunade: WHAT!?!?!? WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT GARBAGE?!?!

Orochimaru: I gotta go...

Tsunade: OH NO YOU DON'T! RIGHT, NARUTOAST!?!?

Me: -cowers with fear- Don't hurt me... yes...

Shizune: Please Lady Tsunade, don't do anything rash...

Kabuto: Lord Orochimaru, did you sneak out to spread rumors again?

Orochimaru: Yes...

Me: PINIATA TIME! -takes out a really long piniata stick-

Rest of them: OH NO!!!

Me: -starts hitting everyone senseless-

Yay! It's over now. So press the review button and tell me your Fav. Character. Also, send questions. Itachi needs some more torture from the lack of visual torture above. Although, I think putting him next to Tobi and Kisame is enough torture, send me ideas!!


	6. Gaara's Released!

Me: Ok... I'm back after a very tiring week. I think this'll be quick 'cuz I'm tired.

Itachi: Ohh... Poor baby.

Me: -flames in eyes and seems to get taller and Itachi shrinks I'm in a rage- WHY YOU LITTLE... I OUGHTTA HURT YOU!

Itachi: -obviously scared to death- Ok, I'll cooperate...

Me: THAT'S RIGHT! YOU BETTER LISTEN UP, AND LISTEN WELL! I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE YOUR STUCK UP ATTITUDE ANYMORE! SMART MOUTH ME AGAIN AND YOU STAY UP THERE NEXT TO TOBI!

Itachi: -whimpers-

Me: Ok. Now for the questions! -smiles sweetly as if nothing happened-

Q1) Itachi, why are you so mean? Did somthing happen in your childhood you don't like to talk about? With lots of love, and sugar, and bunnies,and cookies, and flowers,and other happy things. Cheea5

Itachi: I like to be mean.

Tobi: COME ON! TOBI WANT'S TO KNOW!

Itachi: -moans- fine. I was mistreated bye an anonymous source. AND THAT SIGNATURE! I HATE IT!

Me. -hits Itachi with a long stick-

Itachi: Next!

I have some questions!

1. Itachi if you had to pick any girl to marry out of the Rookie Nine, who would it be?

2. If you had the chance to kill Sasuke or save your precious teddy from a fire what would you choose? And why?

3. Do you like Sakura? ( I know! Very random! )

Itachi: Well, in order: 1: Ino. She's a stuck up brat.

Me: like you?

Itachi: shut up. 2: Teddy because Sasuke needs to be powerful before I kill him. And 3: NO! Next.

Me: ... No.

Itachi: What?

Me: No.

Itachi: Give me the next question or I'll pop your head like a zit.

Me: I don't think you can from there. Tobi, do it.

Tobi: -sings- Tobi's gonna be a monkey! Tobi's gonna be a mo-

Me: How did I tell you to sing it?

Tobi: Fine... Tobi do it your way... I'm gonna be a monkey, I'm gonna be a monkey, do you wanna be one too!?

Itachi: OK, I'LL BE FUNNIER!

Me: Very good...

SHIKAMARU I LOVE YOU! Ok sorry on to the questions:  
1. shikamaru, how come you like clouds so much?  
2. Itachi, is your favorite animal a weasel, since you look like one and that is what your name stands for?

Shikamaru: Well, maybe we can talk more sometime--

Temari: Shikamaru...

Shikamaru: Oh- as friends of course. Clouds are not troublesome to stare at.

Itachi: Hmm... Weasles are ok.

Me: Can I stomp on you?

Itachi: What?

Me: oh, nevermind. It's a song by Weird Al...

Oh yeah and my favorite character is Kakashi!  
Itachi-kun why are you so mean to Sasuke-kun because of you he is emo an runs away with Orochi the Michael Jackson look alike!  
Orochi why have you spread rumors that is so mean what did Tsunade ever do to you? By the way have you ever worn a purple tutu?  
Kabuto whats it like living with Orochi?  
Tobi is a good boy! Tobi do you like sake?  
Kakashi how good is your book?

Me: Kakashi's popular...

Itachi: I answered that...

Orochimaru: Well, I am evil. So I do bad things. I haven't worn a tutu.

Me: To his knowledge...

Kabuto: Oh.. living with him... IT'S A NIGHTMARE!

Tobi: Oh no. Alchohol is bad for Tobi.

Kakashi: My book, written by Jiraya himself is an excellent book.

Naruto: Sensei, I read the first five pages and was too disgusted to go on! It's perverted!

Kakashi: I...Um...Well...

itachi is my favorite character.

itachi do you think your life would have been different if you and sasuke where born as girls instead of boys? if so who would you have dated if you where still loyal to the leaf?

Itachi: Well, I would have been dating... Uh.. this feels so akward...

Me: Do it.

Tobi: I'm gonna b--

Itachi: AH! Naruto.

Sasuke: Neji...

All four: -look disgusted at what they said-

All else: -laughing so hard accept for TenTen and Sakura-

Orochimaru: Ok, let'sss get on with thisss...

He,he. My favorite character is Itachi... though I think you should keep him up there awhile -grins evily- how about letting gaara go first? An d I have a question for kisame... Is it true that you love Itachi? -smirks-

Me: ok, first is first... -throws a kunai knife at Gaara's ropes and he falls and lands on his head- carry on.

Gaara: -mumbles something rude about me-

Kisame: Ah...I...NO! THAT'S VILE!

Itachi: We've been through this.

Me: I have a truth serum! - throws truth serum at Kisame- Now tell us.

Kisame: -roboticly- Yes. -coveres mouth-

Me: Oops! That was over powered a bit...

Everyone: Bye! Come back next time!

-Later-

Gaara is walking down a path back to the Suna Village (Please correct me if I'm wrong on that) where he gets attacked by Rock Lee. He destroyes him in five seconds flat. "Stupid Narutoast" he muttered leaving Lee's unconcios body on the path.


	7. Lucky Episode 7

Hello, it's me, Narutoast again! Here with me for another episode of Ask Itachi!, is that weasel-boy himself, Itachi! (Itachi: -vein in forehead pulsing- I told you not to call me that!) Sorry it's been a while, (Itachi: Oh I didn't mind. Honestly.) but I got a new computer and I had to get accustomed to it's speed and picture. - Punches Itachi in the face - ( Itachi: What the heck was that for!?!?) Now, on to the questions. :) This is lucky Episode 7 with the answer (finally!) to why Itachi is afraid of the cookies.

Itachi you're mean! That's why I'm going to keep the signiture! -sticks tougue out- Ok, I want Neji to released next, I like Itachi alot and that's why he needs more torture! What can I say, I'm an Akatsuki fan-girl. A violent Akatsuki fan-girl. On to the question. What would you say the most effective way to minipulate someone? Seeing as you most likly have a violent anwser I'm going to give Narutoast cookies (dispite the fact I don't know why you're afraid of them) And as another question, I'll ask the question that no one has seemed to remeber to ask. Why ARE you afraid of of cookies?

With lots of love, and sugar, and bunnies,and cookies, and flowers,and other happy things.  
Cheea5

Itachi: -evil laugh- Well the BEST way is option 1, to find someone or something they like and hold it hostage. Option 2, find something or someone they DON'T like and threaten them with it. And opt-

Me: Like you, me, and those chocolatey cookies... : )

Itachi: As I was saying, Option 3 is to scream in their ear until they have such a big head ach, they WANT to do your bidding so you'll shut up. Option 4 is to anonymously get notes to them but that's pretty ineffective. Option 5 is beating them until they're unconscious if they say no, then when they wake up, ask again and if they say no again, continue the beatings. Option 6 --

Me: This one's my favorite.

Itachi: -ignore's him and continues- Hang them upside down until the want to do your bidding. Option 7 is--

Me: OK, that's enough. Now why are you afraid of those cookies.

Itachi: Well...

--FLASH BACK--

Lunar: Hey Itachi, I'm making some cookies for Akutski!

Itachi: -under his breath- Let's hope she leaves after this...

Kisame: Yeah.

Lunar: What's that boys?

Itachi: Oh nothing, nothing at all...

Lunar: I thought not.

Itachi: Oh, the cookies are done?

Lunar: Yes, but be careful, they are explos--

Itachi: Oh don't worry, i'm not afraid of burns! -slips and falls- Ahhh!

All of Akutsuki: Hahahahaha!

Itachi: They're sticking to me! -the one stuck to his arm explodes leaving a blackened arm on his shoulder.

Lunar: Well, I tried to tell him they were explosives...

Itachi: GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!! MY ROBE IS ON FIRE!!!

Kisame: I'll put it out! -starts hitting Itachi's arm with fire extinguisher-

Itachi: AHHH!!!

Sasori and Tobi together: Stop, drop, and roll!

Itachi: -dives onto the expensive wall-to-wall shag rug and starts rolling-

Tobi: Itachi lit the floor on fire! Tobi must leave at once!

Soon everyone was rolling on the ground trying to extinguish the floor.

--END OF FLASH BACK--

Itachi: And that's why I am afraid of those cookies.

All: -staring at Itachi-

Me: Wow. That's deep...ly STUPID! -hits Itachi- Next question.

It's me again! I like you Itachi, but I love watching you suffer more...chocolatey chipity cookies! Itachi, Do you like kakashi's book?

From Shikagal

Itachi: Sorry for the really short answer, but i hate kakashi's book.

Me:...That's it?

Itachi: Yup. Next

Me...

1.kakashi what first inspired you to start reading icha icha paradise?  
2.naruto if your life depended on it who would you rather marry?  
anko,kurenai,shizune,or temari?

Signed Kyuubi's Apprentice

Kakashi: Uhh...no reason, i just... I was friends with--

Naruto: He was friends with the Pervy Sage!

Kakashi:.. Yes. And he wrote it so--

Naruto: Kakashi Sensei picked it up and read it and he loved it!

Kakashi: Thank you Naruto, now answer your own question!

Naruto: -obviously not paying much attention- Shizune...

Sasuke: Hey, loser, do you realize what you're saying?

Naruto: Huh? What? Ahhh!

Shizune: AHHH!!!! LADY TSUNADE!?!? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?!?

Tsunade: Oh nothing... maybe a shot of love serum in his root beer can...

Shizune: My uncle would be very displeased with you!

Tsunade: Shut up! Don't bring him into this!

Naruto: HEY LISTEN UP!

All: -look at Naruto, then keep fighting-

Naruto:...NEXT!

Me: Thank you.

Natuto: No problem.

Itachi-kun could you give Kisame-kun the fishy a hug?  
Orochi-kun just exactly how EVIL are you? Who do you have a crush on? Are You related to Voldemort?  
Tobi-kun, Tobi is a good boy! Do you like nocturnal ducks?  
Deidara-kun do you think Sasori is related to Pinochio?

Itachi: NEVER IN A MILLION TRILLION YEARS!

Kisame: -pouts a little-

Itachi: Fine... -hugs Kisame- Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew EW!

Orochimaru: I'm still mourning the loss of my snake... I love no one... Voldemort's my mommy...

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy! Tobi LOVES nocturnal ducks!

Me: Oh yeah... you should hear him at night... his quacking is terribly loud. Keeps us all awake...

Tobi: QUACK!

Deidara: Master might be related to this pinochio being... He's a puppet, right?

Me: Yes.

Itachi, you so have my sympathy. Don't worry, she's not half as bad as I am...-inserts evil laugh- Oh, and by the way, i'll find someway to see you in your pants. To the questions:

1)Kakashi is Gai gay?  
2)Itachi what's its like knowing your partner loves you?  
3)Hey Itachi...do you still have feelings for Emo boy? (Sasuke)  
4)Orichimaru...were weird as a kid?  
5)Can I be in this and have Deidara? -puppy eyes- I WANT DEIDARA! XP Erm...-bribes with extra chocolatey chip cookies-

Kakashi: I--

Gai: Of cours not!

Me: Gai stop giving Lee high fives and get yourself a girlfriend...

Lee: YOUTHFULNESS SHALL PREVAIL!!

Everyone: - looks at Lee funny-

Lee: -face turns red- I love you Sakura?

Sakura: Not a chance creep.

Itachi: It really creeps me out and I dislike Sasuke.

Sasuke: Thanks big brother...

Orochimaru: Yes?

Me: What do you mean 'Can i be in this'? You are in it. Everyone who posts something is part of this. This is a cybernetic meeting place for people to ask Itachi and other Naruto characters questions. I haven't quite caught Gaara again though... - slices Deidara down and Insane Tanuki Drags him off somewhere-

All: Ok...

Meh, all I want is Hinata down...soo...um...when you were on that pole in the older days about oh, I'd say 4 years back, is it true that you were actually trying to get free cable and it was only a coincidence when the little son of a gun came? No offense...I mean I would do it too if I felt like it, but i'm obediant and won't do it...ha ha...-flipping through the manga still awaiting Sasuke's death-

Me: -attemts to slice Hinata down-

Hinata: I'm not going without Naruto.

Me: Suit yourself.

Itachi: I was trying to get cable.

My favorite Character is Sakura.  
1. Oro-baka does it sound weird when you say you want Sasuke for his body?  
2. Weasel-boy how did you get Oro-baka to leave the Akatsuki?  
3. Tobi You rock, Why do you where the Mask?  
4. Tsunade-sama Why do you do you hair in pigtails?  
5. Kisame Why are you blue?

Orochimaru: -looks around nervously- I've got no idea what you're talking about...

Me: Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Itachi: Another funny story...

--FLASHBACK NUMBER 2--

Orochimaru: We should go on a mission today.

Deidara: Hey, Orochimaru, does this make me look fat?

Orochimaru: No.

Itachi: Watch this! -transforms into a weasel-

Orochimaru: Very nice. Now about the--

Itachi: -climbs up Orochimaru's robe-

Orochimaru: AHHH!!

Itachi: -nibbles on Orochimaru's ear befor transforming back without getting off his shoulder-

Orochimaru: I CAN'T STAND THIS! I QUIT AKUTSUKI FOREVER! -storms away-

Itachi and Deidara: YES! -High five-

-END-

Me: Another creative answer...

Itachi, Deidara, and Orochimaru: It's true!

Me: Okay, okay, I'll take your word for it. Well, that wraps up another episode of Ask Itachi!

--Later--

Insane Tanuk: Ha! I've got you!

Deidara: Not for long... -poofs away-

Insane Tanuk: No!!!

--Yet later-er--

Deidara: Wow. I can't believe i got aw-

There's an earth quake and Deidara was crushed under a rock.


	8. Tobi's Riddles

Hiya! Itchi and I (Itachi: I told you not to call me that!) are very happy to have more questions. (Itachi: Speak for yourself.) Shut up. Anyway, there are still a LOT of characters needing to get down. So, send those questions!

Interesting ideas you had last time... Option 3 sounds like Serra from Fire Emblem (I LOVE THAT GAME!). On to the questions. Itachi what is your favorite band? Deidara were you in any other animes like with another name and such (like BLEACH) because in one anime there is someone that looks like you (But their hair isn't long (still in their face though)). Narutoast, will you please release Shika -uses puppy dog eyes-

With lots of love, and sugar, and bunnies,and cookies, and flowers,and other happy things.  
Cheea5

Itachi: I hate music. I especially hate Good Charlotte and Fall Out Boy.

Me: -ticked off- Oh really? Those are my two favorite bands..! I'm gonna KILL YOU! -beats Itachi with a stick I found on the ground-

Itachi: AHHH!

Deidara: No. AND I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A FEMALE!!!

Me: Too much screaming in this episode...

Heya, here's my questions.

(Itachi) Weasel-kun, How come you never have your hair out of a ponytail?  
(Kisame) Sushi-sama, are those lines above your cheek bones gills?  
Kabuto, same question as itachi.  
Orochimaru, what was it like being paired up with Jiraiya and Tsunade on a team when you were younger?

BTW, can you please release Orochimaru and Kabuto? I want my brother back. points to kabuto And Oro has to help me study. Please and thank you! gives a chocolate chipy cookie 

Rosa The Evil Genius

Itachi: I like my pony tail...

Kisame: It is questionable. I always thought that they were gills, but i don't wanna find out.

Kabuto: Sister, why? Weas--

Itachi: Don't you dare!

Kabuto: Fine. Itachi-kun said my answer.

Me: Wow, that's really sad. The sissiest thing I've ever heard. Rosa, your bro is a sissy.

Kabuto: I ought to poison you for that.

Me: Do your worst, SISSY!

Orochimaru: Kabuto! Do it now!

Kabuto: Right. Summoning Jutsu!

-huge snake appears-

Snake: Orochimaru, what the heck do you want? You recently put a hole through my mouth and I'm now very hungry.

Orochimaru: Get that boy! -points at me-

Me: Uh-oh. Gotta run!

Snake: Oh no you don't. -blocks the path-

Me: Oh darn. Summoning Jutsu!

-Giant hawk appears-

Hawk: Yes master? I was eating and undersized snake.

Me: Heh heh heh... How 'bout a giant snake?

Hawk: Oh yes... that would be nice. Direct me to him.

Me: -points to giant snake-

Snake: Long time no see, Shabutaro.

Hawk: Likewise. -swoops and kills snake. He then proceeds to eat it-

All accept Kabuto and Orochimaru: Yay!

Me: That was rather... er... interesting. Next question.

I have to tell you I love this fic.  
1) Itachi what crlawed up your butt and died to turn you into a jerk.  
2)poor Kisame that meany Itachi dosen't like you (mean emo killer) why don't you get a new cursh  
3)why dose Tobi talk in the third person

Itachi: If you must know, it was an African Ring Caterpillar.

All accept Itchi (Itachi told me not to call him that): -looks at Itachi funnily-

Me: I think it was a non-rhetorical question.

Itachi:...Oh...

Kisame: Good advice.Now I love Tsunade.

Tsunade: Ah! You're worse than that perverted fart, Jiraya!

Kisame: Oh...

Me: -snickers- Don't worry. Be happy.

Random shady old person: That's not your song. I shall get my revenge! -gets sucked into a bottle-

Me: Fine. Kisame, Get a fishey-woman to have a crush on. Not a weas--

Itachi: Ahem...

Me: --el-man.

Itachi: -glares at me-

Tobi: Tobi likes third person talk. It makes him feel special.

Me: Whatever. NEXT!

Itachi you rule! Ita: why did your parents name u weasel? How do you get ideas 4 torture? Who did you have a crush on? Anko, K urenai or Yuugao? What do u drive? If its american or european u die! Oro: Why the heck did u leave Anko?! You better give me a good answer. Jiraiya: did u get traumatized as a kid or something? (And i know u put Anko,kurenai & Tsunade in ur books at least 3 times)

Itachi: My parents liked weasels. Think of the cruelest thing you can think of.

Me: Like letting you go?

Itachi: Anko.

Anko: -blush-

Itachi: Tsukoyumi!

Sensatsu: AHHH!

Itachi: I drive a Mustang GT. It's black with blood-red flames. When Anko and I started da--

Anko: Do you realize what you're saying? You moron!

Me: Oh, Itachi, please continue.

Itachi: -ignoring both of us- --ting, that's what I drove us around in. Very nice car. It's pretty American. I think.

Anko: Itachi. Try realizing what you just said.

Itachi: Hmm... Oh! Oh no!

Me: Hahahahahaha!

Itachi: I'm so sorry Anko, forgive me?

Anko: Yes.

Me: Blegh.

Jiraya: I saw a lot of things when I was young. None of which were perverted.

LOL this is funny and I got some question.

1)Itachi,Have you ever seen your leader at all in yout time in Akatzuki?  
2)Kizame, Is it true you have more power than most of Akatsuki? Including the leader himself?  
3)Tobi a good boy, can Toby tell us what his face looks like?  
4)Kakashi, What the heck is under your mask?  
5)Orochimaru, WTF is it with you and guys. I swear your about one act away from being one of the presenters for ' eye for the straight guy'. Why do you have to be so...Girly?  
6)Naruto, were you knocked on the head when you were young or something?  
7)Hinata, When are you going to confess to 'you know who' about 'you know what'?

Itachi: No. Leader is very sensetive about it.

Leader of Akutsuki: I'm right here you idiot.

Itachi: Lemme rephrase that. Yes I have.

Kisame: I've got the most chakra.

Tobi: Tobi tells in time. Answer Tobi's riddles and he will tell you.

Me: Ok, I'm game. Tell us.

Tobi: Ok, there are three people in a desert. Persons A and B want to kill person C. But C has the water. Person A then proceeds to poison the water. Not knowing this, Person B cuts a hole in the water pouch. Later, Person C dies of dehydration. Who is the murderer?

Me: Ok, what's the next riddle.

Tobi: This is one of Tobi's favorites. You come to a bus stop to see three people there. Your best friend, the girl/boy of your dreams, and a dying old lady. There's room for one more person in your car. What do you do? Mind you that there are consequences to each action accept one. If you take the old woman, your best friend gets the boy/girl of your dreams. Take the girl/boy, your best friend gets mad at you for leaving the woman for dead. Take your best friend, you lose the opportunity to get the girl, and the woman dies.

Me: Send the answers to the questions to learn what Tobi's face looks like.

Kakashi: There are lots of scars. I think.

Me: You mean you don't know what your own face looks like?

Kakashi: I own no mirrors.

Me: Wow.

Orochimaru. Girly seemed fun. Just ask Deidara.

Deidara: I. Do. Not. Look. Like. A. GIRL!

Me: Whatever.

Naruto: -folds arms- No...

Hinata: Oh...I...Uh...Th-there's no n-need. H-he doesn't need s-someone so b-bothersome as I a-am.

Me: Nonsense, Hinata. You're amazing, not bothersome. I mean, _Lady _Hinata from the main branch of the Hyuuga clan.

Hinata: -blushes- Th-thank you N-Narutoast

Me: Oh... It was nothing, my pleasure.

Hinata: N-Naruto, I lo--

Naruto: Hey, Narutoast! I'm gonna get down from here, and when I do, you're really going to be toast!

Me: Whatever.

1.Sasuke, how do you feel being the # 1 couple paring of you and Naruto?

2.Shika-kun how come you wear your hair in a ponytail, cause personally I love your hair when it is down.  
love shikagal

Sasuke and Naruto: -look at each other- DISGUSTING!

Sasuke: How could I even in the first place even love a boy!?!? Let alone this loser!

Me: Well, if I remember correctly, in the second episode of Naruto, you two kissed.

Naruto: That was an accident! It never meant to happen!

Me: Why were you staring at him then?

Naruto: It was a glare!

Me: Whatever you say.

Naruto: It was! Honest!

Hinata: -thinks- That made me lose a ton of confidence.

Shikamaru: Listen, I'm thrilled that you love me, but I love someone else.

Me: Too much love in this episode. Well, that's all I've got. Remember, send your answers to the riddles to me. Also, -cuts down Orochimaru and Kabuto- there. Now run along.

Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Rosa are walking back to the village of sound when they see Gaara, Lee, and Deidara. "You're dead meat, Orochimaru!" Deidara said. He took out some clay and made one of his specialty. He, Lee, and Gaara all ran away from the placed bomb. Deidara made it explode, but Rosa, Kabuto, and Orochimaru all made it out anyway.


	9. I got nothing

Hello again to my faithful readers and new fans. I originally got this idea because I got really bored and started brainstorming funny ideas with my brother. We were wandering about our back yard telling each other ideas when it hit me. Ask Itachi. It was brilliant. I brought out the first chapter and it was a huge success. The questions started coming about five per day. By the time chapter five came out, i was receiving about five around every 12 or so hours. There it is. How this fan fic, my second of five, came to be the magnificent story it is today. By the way, sorry this took five months. I got REALLY sidetracked. Now, on to the questions. (Itachi: Aww man, I thought he forgot...) I'm sorry this took so long to put out...(mumbles: I hate school...)

it was person B because person C died of dehydration not poisoning!

i would like you to release naruto just so he can laugh at sauske because he's still tied up

1.naruto why do you always say belive it?  
2.tobi what is your plan for the akutsuki?(see chapter 364)  
3.gaara what do you do in your spare time since shukaku won't let you sleep?  
4.itachi what made you decide to join atkutsuki in the first place?

kyuubi's apprentice

Me: Well --

Tobi: WRONG!

Me: Tobi, please be respectf--

Tobi: Tobi KNEW you people wouldn't get it! Tobi is a SMART b--

Me: TOBI, SHUT THE HECK UP! Sheesh.

Tobi: - starts crying -

Naruto: - ignoring Tobi – I say believe it because I can! Believe it!

Me: -Comforting Tobi- Tobi, there's a question for you.

Tobi: -eyes widen- Really..?

Me: Yes.

Tobi: Ok... Tobi cannot tell you. It's a secret plan.

Me: Uh... Tobi? You listen to Itachi too much. Don't be a stubborn moron. And besides. Listen to Diedara, 'cuz he's your senpai!

Senpai is the term used to refer to someone who has seniority over you.

Sakura: Poor Tobi...

Gaara: Oh my..! You people get so darn annoying... In my spare time... I like to kill... I kill to live and live to kill...

All: -staring at Gaara with wide eyes, silenced -

Gaara: -gets ready to use sand coffin-

All: -look away-

Itachi: Finally, a question for me. This is a fan fic about me.

Me: -mumbles a bunch of insults-

Itachi: What was that?

Me: Nothing. -mumbles: You big headed freak.-

Itachi: ... I joined Akutsuki to hurt people. I dislike them as you know.

Me: Next.

Well, I'd say... Kisame needs to be cut down... and answer 1 to Tobi's riddles is that person B killed person C, and answer 2 is the boy/girl of your dreams... okay, 2 questions:

1.) Shikamaru-Chan, why do you like clouds so much?  
2.) Naruto-baka, do you like Hinata?

-with hugs and cuddles, Sasori-Korasu-Chan

Tobi: -stares longingly at me-

Me: Fine, go ahead, just be nice!

Tobi: Thank you for your answer. Though it was not correct.

Me: Good Tobi. Have a treat. -gives him a doggie biscuit-

Tobi: -spits it out-

Shikamaru: I like the clouds because they are the only things in the world that aren't troublesome.

Naruto: -blushes- (Me: Hint hint!) Uh.. NEXT QUESTOIN! BELIEVE IT!!! -hits me-

Me: Ow...

1 Tobi why are you a good boy?  
2 Ino, if Sauske died and you had to marry someone who would you pick? Shikamaru, Itachi or Naruto?  
And free Sasori please!

Tobi: Because good boys always get presents on holidays! Santa is a great person! - smiles -

Me: Tobi, - whispers something into Tobi's ear -

Tobi: - starts crying - No! It's a LIE! It's all LIES!!!

Ino: If Sasuke died, I would marry... NONE OF THE ABOVE!!!

Me: Ino, answer! I think i know why you won't answer.

Ino: - looks nervous – Wh-whaddya mean?

Me: Because he's somewhere here!!!

Ino: - looks annoyed – WELL NO DUH!!! - punches me on the top of my head -

Me: - rubs head – Oww... It's him!!! - points to Naruto -

Naruto: - screams and faints -

Ino: Look what you did!

Me: Me!? It's YOUR fault!

Tobi: - still crying -

Me and Ino: SHADDUP TOBI!!!

Tobi: N-n-nex-next...

Anwser to riddle 1: Person B killed person C because he died of dehydration and the poison was never in his system and even if the poison was never their the results would have been the same. Anwser to riddle 2: I would save the dieing person because it was right and then maybe get revenge on my friend depending on how angry I was.

Sasuke, Naruto, you do relize the creator suports SasuNaru right?

Deidara, don't worry about your hair, my favorite Character ever has similar hair (YUAN! From Tales of Symphonia).

Itachi, have you ever tried Fire Emblem for GBA? I think you would like it because when you kill someone they stay dead and it takes stratogy (In other words you would be pleased with the killing but suck at the game XD) Last time I asked to release Shika but I meant Neji, oops... Sorry Shika! Narutoast please release Neji!

With lots of love, and sugar, and bunnies,and cookies, and flowers,and other happy things.  
Cheea5

P.S. Itachi, I will get rid of my signiture if you do something for me! (I'm not sure what yet...)

Sasuke: -looks at Naruto-

Naruto: -looks at Sasuke-

Sasuke and Naruto: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Sasuke: How could Masashi do that to me! Naruto's a loser!

Naruto: Yeah! Hey wait...I mean No, I'm not a loser!

Me: Great...Thay're fighting...

Deidara: -blushes- R-really? -pulls out a compact and looks in it- Hey Narutoast, how's my eyeliner look?

Me: -stares at Deidara in horror- Uh...wanna STOP with the makeup? Oh by the way Deidara, have you ever given any serious thought to cross-dressing? -holds up a tuxedo- I think this would look good on you...

Deidara: I'M GONNA KILL YOU WHEN I GET DOWN!!!

Me: -yawn- Yup, keep on fantasizing...

Itachi: Ignoring those two dolts, I wonder if I would...-pulls out his GBA- Fire Emblem..? -looks up- Wait, did you say that I had to _do something_? -eyes widen-

Me: -hits Itachi- PERV! Next question...

Rosa: Thanks for releasing them. Yes I know my brother is a sissy. 

Kabuto: HEY!! 

Rosa: But none the less, I love you for it bro. -er-ehm-, on with the questions!!  
(Kisame) Sushi-sama, did you escape from SeaWorld?  
(Itachi) Weasel-kun, are your eyes naturally that long-lashed or do you put on mascara or something?  
Tobi's a good boy! Is it true that you might be Obito?  
Deidara, have you tried any other hairstyles before? The half-up half-down thing is starting to look a bit bland.  
Sakura, why can't you get over Sasuke and see that Naruto loves you? He'd go through heck and back for you, just to see a smile spread on your face.

Rosa The Evil Genius

Kisame: I AM NOT SUSHI! I didn't escape from seaworld... My father was a human and my mother was a goldfish!

Me: Whoah...that's deep. NOT! Loser.

Itachi: I DO NOT WEAR MASCARA! My prettyful lashes are natural...

Me: Prettyful..? I'm officially scared...

Tobi: Maybe Tobi could be Obito...

Me: I am currently calling Tobi, Tobito. (pronounced Toh-bee-toh, but NOT toh-bit-oh)

Tobi: -starts crying again-

Sakura: -looks at Naruto- ...

Naruto: -is deep red from blushing- Uh...Well...I...Uh...NEXT, DATTEBAYO!

Me: -takes a hearty swig of Caffeine Free Diet Coke because my mom won't let me have caffeine- He's right, I've humiliated you guys enough for one question.

1)Itachi,Have you ever seen your leader at all in your time in Akutsuki?  
2)Kisame, Is it true you have more power than most of Akutsuki? Including the leader himself?  
3)Tobi a good boy, can Toby tell us what his face looks like?  
4)Kakashi, What the heck is under your mask?  
5)Orochimaru, WTH is it with you and guys. Why do you have to be so...Girly?  
6)Naruto, were you knocked on the head when you were young or something?  
7)Hinata, When are you going to confess to 'you know who' about 'you know what'?

Itachi: Yes, he's on the other side of this pillar thet we're hanging on. Yes, Narutoast took us on what he called a "roadtrip" where he gagged up and tied us up in the back of a Nissan and drove us to California, then back to his house in New York State. That's thirty-eight hours times two! Narutoast was on caffeine pills and somehow used corn oil to fuel the car.

Me: -looks sad- That's why my mom says I can't have caffeine...

Kisame: I have true...POWER!!! MUAHAHA!

Leader: Shaddup or you're fired.

Kisame: ...

Kakashi: Well, what's under my mask is...-pulls down mask to reveal another mask-...Another mask!

Orochimaru: -for some reason didn't leave yet- I'm a very special snake man...

Kabuto: Uh...please forgive Lord Orochimaru...He's a little out of it because he forgot to take his medicine...

Naruto: Knocked on the head..? I don't remember...

Me: That's the point, moron!

Hinata: -blushes-

Me: Oh! Do you mean that Hinata LOVES N--

Neji: -covers Naruto's ears- Phew...that was close... She needs to say it herself, idiot!

Me: Aww...Way to ruin my fun...well, it's no secret that you love TenTen, Neji.

Neji: -blushes- B-b-byakugan...

Me: What're you gonna do with that, Neji? Are you a pervert, Neji? Are ya? Huh?

Jiraya: I'm a pervert too, Neji!

Kakashi: Me too!

Ino, Sakura, Tamari, TenTen: SICKOS!!!

Kakashi, Jiraya, Neji: JERKS!

TenTen: -slapes Neji- We're through!

Neji: -crying really hard-

Me: Uh...this is where I'm going to end this chapter. I'm going to be making more chapters until i'm finished putting out the Ch8 reviews and not making more than that until spring 2008, but I'm happy to take reviews, questions, and compliments! Thanks to all my faithful readers! Just remember. SPRING 2008!


	10. We're BAAAACK!

**Hi all! It's Narutoast with a BRAND SPANKIN' NEW CHAPTER OF ASK ITACHI! (Itachi: Nooooooo!!) YES! (Itachi: No!) **

**Me: YES!**

**Itachi: No!**

**Me: Yes!**

**Itachi: No!**

**Me: YES YES YES YES YESSSS!!**

**Itachi: Fine!**

**Me: YE- oh. ok.**

**Itachi: But just dont emberrass me like last season.**

**Me: -not listening- Mmhmm...yeah, whatever.**

**Itachi: HEY ARE YOU LISTENING TO M--**

**Ok, so I didn't have time for all of the questions, so I'm starting from chapter 9's reviews to take the huge load of questions off of my back. The second season will last from Spring 2008 to late Autumn 2008, where I'll stop for the school year again. I'll also have a special anniversary chapter on August 26, celebrating Ask Itachi's very first birthday! I hope you enjoy the second season! :) Disclaimer: I have no editor. I added one for comic relief. And my only editor is myself.**

Q1)

Itachi: Who do you like? Anko, Kurenai, Hana or Ayame or maybe Konan?

Who did you have a crush on when you were younger?

Orochimaru: Why did you really leave Anko? Was it because she was a girl?

Itachi: Awww, COME ON! I thought that since it was the very first chapter of season 2...

Me: -grins widely- Not a chance in the world!

Itachi: Grrr...Well...No. I refuse to answer.

Me: -pulls out a shotgun and looks politely at Itachi-

Itachi: -all of a sudden, looks really nervous- M..My bad! I forgot the contract...

Me: Good boy.

Tobi: BUT TOBI THOUGHT TOBI WAS THE GOOD BOY!

Me: Oh, no, you are, Tobi.

Tobi: No, I'm not Tobi, TOBI is Tobi.

Itachi: SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO ANSWER A QUESTION!

Me and Tobi: -shuts up-

Itachi: Good. If you must know, I prefer K--

Tobi: Kurenai!?

Itachi: NO YOU IDIOT! KONAN!

Konan: -stares at Itachi-

Itachi: -blushes and laughs nervously-

Konan: Pein will hear of this.

Itachi: NO!

Konan: Oh, would you rather Kakuzu or Kisame or maybe even Sasori to know?

Itachi: No...

Konan: How about leader?

Itachi: -crying- WAAAAAAAAAH!

Orochimaru: -drunk- Nguh? I'mmmm gunna answer the question... -walks away to the girl's bathroom-

Me: Oh boy, this should be...interesting...

Anko: -screams from the bathroom- OROCHIMARU, GET THE F-

Me: -blocks out Anko's curse word- Censored!

Anko: OUTTA THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM!

Orochimaru: -thrown out of the bathroom-

Me: How did it go, hotshot?

Orochimaru: She hatesss meh... -looks at Kabuto-

Kabuto: -homosexual look- That's very good...er...I mean...that's too bad, Lord Orochimaru...

My editor: Are you suggesting that Kabuto is a homosexual!?

Me: NO, MASTER! Wait...you're not my master...

My editor: Fine, if you don't want me here, I'll leave. -leaves-

Me: (Yes, I was suggesting that Kabuto is a homosexual.) ...Cool. He left. Ok, next question.

Q2)

I have a question for Itachi Uchiha.  
have you ever fallen in love with some girl around your age?

Itachi: -looks at Konan-

Konan: Don't start with me again.

Itachi: -pouts-

Me: -rolls eyes- Well I apologize for the very short answer, but there it is. He may not show it, but he does.

Q3)

nIce chapter, and I got a few questions:

1) Sasuke...I've seen that your about to fight Itachi to the death, and I was wondering who was going to win? Do you know?

2)Jiraiya...Ouch man, you going up against the leader of Akatsuki and resorting to your sage mode... Dang man, I feel kinda sorry for your arm getting ripped off. But anyway...you reacon you'll survive the fight?

3) Kisame...How did you get Samehada?

4) Naruto...when are you going to live to your father's status? And Jiraiya...When the heck are you going to tell him?!

Sasuke:Well naturally, I'LL win.

Itachi: Yeah, no. You lack h--

Sasuke: JUST SHUT UP, ITACHI! -goes into his emo corner, crying- CAN'T YOU SEE I'M HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN WITH MY OWN INSECURITIES OF HOW I LOVE NARUTO BUT HE LOVES HINATA AND SAKURA AND SAKURA LOVES ME AND HIM!?

Itachi: -staring at him along with everyone else-

Sasuke: CAN'T YOU!?

Me: Itachi, you're his bro...fix it! -backs away-

Itachi: -goes over to comfort Sasuke-

Jiraiya: -clutching bleeding stump of arm- Yeah, I reckon I'll win.

Leader: I'll bring you with me!

Jiraiya: Bring it on!

Me: KITTY FIGHT! -watching leader and Jiraiya-

Naruto: Uh...Narutoast...you gonna help Jiraiya-sama?

Me: Mmm...nope!

Kisame: I got Samehada as a child. I cut the cake my gold-fish mother gave to me, along with my human father, and there she was.

Me: Samehada?

Kisame: No, the girl.

Me: Your parents put a GIRL in your cake?

Kisame: Oh, she was real?

Me: What do you mean!?

Kisame: Ooooh...You see, I thought she was made of FROSTING!

Me: Okaayy...Just tell us how you got Samehada instead of how you reverted to cannibalism.

Kisame: Yeah, it was a birthday present.

Me: That was simple enough, right?

Kisame: Yup. But when I bit into my cake...

Me: THAT'S ANOTHER STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME, BUT NOT NOW!

Kisame: M'kay. Then I'll just popcorn over to Naruto to answer his question.

Naruto: I'm gonan be hokage! Dattebayo!

Jiraiya: -lost his other arm from the battle with leader- I wont tell him.

Naruto: Tell me what?

Jiraiya: Nothing.

Naruto: HARREM JUTSU!

Jiraiya: -stares at Naruto-

Me: Perv...

Q4)

Itachi you PERVERT! Narutoast, torture Itachi as much as you can! Wow, I'm feeling evil today. Ah well, being evil is cooler... Unless your Itachi because Yuan and Pwn him. Sorry, it's a fight me and my friend have all the time... But come on! Blue hair is better! None of you have even heard of Tales of Symphonia have you? No less, Yuan... Ah well, on to the questions. Naruto, Sasuke, why don't you confess your secreat love for each other! What a cute couple, EMO x Idiot! Tobi, do you have multiple personalities or something? Naruto, you have ADHD don't you? Don't worry you can join my club! Itachi... I don't like you at the moment, you can go live with Oruchimaru and Sasuke on EMO farm... Just Jokes, Just Jokes...

With lots of love, and sugar, and bunnies,and cookies, and flowers,and other happy things.  
Cheea5

Me: Ok, Cheea5...I just have one thing to ask you. Have you got something against emos? Haha! It's ok if you do, I was only wondering.

Naruto: Sasuke already admitted he loves me.

Sasuke: DID NOT!

Naruto: I LOVE YOU SASUKE!

Sasuke: I LOVE YOU TOO, NARUTO!

Me: Wow...

Tobi: Tobi does not have multiple personalities. Tobi just likes to act smart sometimes.

Naruto: SASUKE I Love...hey, a chicken! -watches a ladybug walk across a window-

Me: Does that answer your question?

Q5)

Answers to Tobis riddles: Neither A nor B killed person C. Person C might have drank the poisoned water BEFORE person B cut open the pouch. The poison takes a while to work. Person C died of hydration AND poisoning! It dosen't really matter who you sit with on the bus!

Q5A:Orochimaru, are you related to Mikel Jackson? Mikel Jakson is a guy who got his who body plastitised...

Orochimaru: Michael Jackson...my long lost mother...

Me: Mother? I thought he was a hermaphrodite?

Orochimaru: I will not have you refer to my mommy in that way!

Me: What are you gonna do, cry about it?

Orochimaru: YES! -sob-

Me: -laughing hysterically- Ok...HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...Next question..HAHAHAHA!

Q6)

Lol I know I've been gone forever and it's so far from spring kicks groundhog that never sees its shadow but I just wanted to ask a few questions DD

Naruto:Why why why did the english dub destroy you! You're a lot better in japanese...wait...that wasn't a question...erm cough cough okay, the real questions:

Naruto:I don't get it, why do you have a love burning like a thousand suns for Sakura? She's pretty not nice (no offense or anything ) and she obviously likes teh emo prince over there. I think you should go like someone more...nice...coughHinatacough

Shikamaru:What hard labor did your parentsmom make you do as to make you think everything of a drag?

I can't believe i'm doing this but Sasuke: I must confess, I actually liked you when you were younger. I mean, nicer and not anti-social. I mean, what happened? Other than the dramatizing event as a child i understand, but i mean, that wouldn't exactly mean that you would have to change completely did it? Lol

Tenten:Where do you get so many scrolls and weapons, its awesome! Not only that, but where do you keep them?

Kyuubi:What does it feel like to be bottled up in some random kids body?

Sasuke: Naruto...you like Saukra!?

Naruto: No, no! Not anymore!

Sasuke: Talk to the hand. We're over, you cheater!

Naruto: Noooooooo!!

Shikamaru: Nothing. No work was ever forced upon me. It's just all a drag.

Sasuke: -in the corner, cutting himself- Naruto cheated on me again...I thought he was for real when he kissed me the first time... -bursts into tears-

TenTen: I make the scrolls. And where do I keep them? Ask Neji, he's seen plenty more than where I keep my scrolls with that Byakugan of his.

Me: You mean he..

TenTen: He's looked into my living room before!

Me: -sighs with relief-

TenTen: What did you think he looked into?

Me: Uhh...

Neji: -blushes deep red-

Kyuubi: Ugh...it's horrible to be bottled up inside this kid! HAVE YOU GOT ANY IDEA WHAT THIS KID DOES TO HIMSELF AT NIGHT!?

Me: -stares at Naruto- You mean Naruto...

Kyuubi: Yeah, that's right, he pigs out on ramen, crying on his diary about Sasuke!

Me: Phew... -.- '

Kyuubi: What?

Me: You people gotta stop scarring me with those sexual jokes! -glares around-

Q7)

Alrightys! I have some questions!

Most of these are based off of stuff in the Shippuuden;  
Naruto: did you know that you're named after the main character in Jiraiya's first book?  
Sakura: when are you going to tell Naruto you love him? Hm?  
Kabuto: Do you love Orichi? does he know?  
I vote for Kakashi to be let free.  
oh, and Iruka, how does it sit with you that moms of Naruto fans think that you're adorable (seriously not joking).  
and to Tobi's riddle, the poisoner is the murderer, even without the poison being injested, and the old lady, because the love of your life will have a good impression of you later, and maybe go for you after they've been with your best friend.

Haha! hope that keeps you entertained smirk  
Therrin-Ninja

Naruto: -too sad about Sasuke to notice- ...Mmhmm...

Sakura: Well...I...Uh...hrm...

Kabuto: Of course I love Orochimaru. I work for him, of course.

Iruka: YAYA! I'm SEXAY!

Me: Now, now, Iruka, I wouldn't go so far as to say that.

Iruka: Of course you wouldn't, you're a guy. Unless you're homosexual?

Me: NO, I'm PERFECTLY 100 PERCENT STRAIGHT!

**I hope you liked the first episode of season 2 of Ask Itachi! Sorry, I DID get a little lazy at times. But just remember, REVIEW!**


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